The Other Side Of Polyandry by Sidney Ruth Schuler

Author:Sidney Ruth Schuler [Schuler, Sidney Ruth]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Social Science, Gender Studies
ISBN: 9781000304183
Google: eAaiDwAAQBAJ
Barnesnoble:
Goodreads: 49788505
Publisher: Routledge
Published: 2019-07-11T00:00:00+00:00

Sremo Dolma

When Dolma was 18 years old she was married to a multilateral cross-cousin' two years her junior. It was an arranged marriage and the two were not fond of one another. They quarreled constantly. Dolma felt depressed because she imagined that the marriage would drag on for several years and then end in divorce. As there were few aristocratic boys her age finding another husband would be difficult. Her father was dead and her brother was in jail. What would become of her?

Anxious over her future, Doima began smuggling small amounts of barley out of the household storage bins when the rest of the family was away from home, hiding it at the house of a girlfriend. If worse came to worst she could use this cache of grain to brew beer for sale. But the husband and his father began to suspect her. After she denied their accusations the husband drew a design in the grain which would be erased if any was removed, and Dolma was trapped. A loud quarrel followed and Dolma packed up and left, knowing that no mediators would be sent to call her back.

Dolma's mother was worried, with ugly rumors already circulating, Dolma would have to remarry quickly, or people would begin to label her moranqmo ("unmarried," with the implication that the woman is unsuitable for marriage). There was another cousin, Jigme, ten years Dolma's junior, whose mother and Dolma's were best friends. He would have to do. After several years of persuasion, Jigme's mother agreed to the match and a date was set. Dolma's nurkal consisted of three fields which no one had bothered to cultivate for years because of their poor quality, a cow, and her own clothing and ornaments. The cow and fields were to be handed over "later," and even though Dolma was 25 years old, marrying for the second time, and marrying into the household of a close relative, her nurkal clothes were locked up in a trunk.

Dolma was quite happy for the first few years, although Jigme was too young to have sex with her, but as soon as he began to mature she began to worry. She was so much older then he. It was difficult enough living with Jlgme's mother - how could she bear it if he took a second wife? Dolma still had not borne a child, nor had she taken her clothes out of the box. When she was 30 years old she contracted tuberculosis; she took medicine for six months and recovered most of her strength, but remained thin. She worked hard in the fields and felt bitter when Jigme and his mother accused her of laziness.

The villagers gossiped and criticized Dolma for continuing to keep her dowry locked up after six years of marriage. Ashamed, she took out and began wearing one item after another. She made a point of keeping her own clothing in a separate place but her mother-in-law treated it as household property, borrowing whatever she pleased without so much as asking whether Oolma minded.

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